


Screaming in the Void

by pandorabox82



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 10:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16157393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: Roxanna keeps trying to let someone, anyone, know that she's still stuck in her mind, screaming into the void. Who will be there when she wakes up?





	Screaming in the Void

Roxanna felt everything go black as unconsciousness bled into her brain. Still, she was screaming inside, unable to make a sound, begging and pleading for Henrik to come save her, to hear her, despite everything being against them. She tried not to focus on the fact that her words were slowing down, that the blackness was growing deeper and deeper until she knew no more.

"…ana. I hope that you can hear me."

_Henrik! I'm here! Of course I can hear you!_ _Can't you hear me?_ Roxanna fought to open her eyes, to make her body move, to get his attention, but there was no indication that her actions were being received. Dimly, she thought she heard the steady beeping of a heart monitor, but she couldn't be entirely certain. All she knew was that she had to get Henrik to hear her frantic cries for him. _Henrik!_

"You have to keep the faith, Mister Hanssen, I know that she's strong enough to come back from this." Roxanna recognized Lofty's voice, and she tried to smile at the warmth and care evident there. A part of her brain knew that even that small facial expression wouldn't come through. "Now, how about I it need to take care of yourself, too, for when she wakes up."

"Thank you, Mister Chiltern. I do believe I'll step out for a bite to eat."

Roxanna swore she could feel something brush against a part of her skin, but she didn't know any more than that. The familiar sound of Henrik's footsteps grew fainter and fainter until they were gone, and Roxanna let out a primal scream in her mind, wishing that she could make herself heard. "I don't know how long you'll be like this, Ms MacMillan, but I know that you will fight your way back to him. It's clear that you love each other, even if neither of you can admit that to the other. Sort of like me and Dom. When you wake up, don't be as stupid as we were. Tell him how you feel…" She knew that he was saying more, but she found it hard to concentrate, the fog of sleep stealing back over her.

The next thing Roxanna became aware of was her hand tingling. _Hello? Is anyone out there?_ she cried, feeling a wave of frustration sweep over her mind as she realized that she still couldn't control her voice. Screaming once more, she tried to curl her hand into a fist, only to hear a deep gasp come from somewhere near her.

"Roxanna?" Sacha's voice was welcome to her mind, and she felt a bubble of pure elation well up from deep within her at the realization that she had made a sign of some sort that she was still aware, still fighting. "Oh, please, tell me you can do that again," he murmured in her ear, and she screwed her eyes tightly shut, feeling the ache of the movement so clearly in her brain that it caused her to tighten her hand around something in it. "My god, Henrik has to know this!"

_Yes, get Henrik!_ she cried out. _Tell him that he needs to rescue me!_

There was the harsh sound of a mobile being dialed, and she tried to relax, feeling her eyes start to hurt even more. "Henrik, you need to get down here, as fast as you can. No, nothing bad, just something amazing!" Roxanna tried to stay focused, to stay aware, since she knew that Henrik would be there as quickly as he possibly could, but the damn fog that kept stealing her away rolled over her senses, dragging her back under, another scream into the void tearing from her soul before she was once more unaware of the world around her.

Again, an unknown amount of time passed before she came to awareness of her surroundings, and Roxanna cried out, still not hearing her voice in her ears, only her head, which frustrated her to no end. Focusing herself, Roxanna tried to open her eyes, needing to see her surroundings, to see if Henrik was there. It took a beat longer than she was prepared for, but then bright light was flooding her sight, and she quickly closed her eyelids once more. "Roxanna!"

The sound of Henrik's voice made her want to smile, and then she felt his hand on her cheek, his thumb running along her cheekbone, silence reigning of the room. She tried to speak, but her voice refused to cooperate. Knowing that she had had some control over her hands a while ago, she tried to reach out to Henrik, needing to hold on to him. He managed to understand what she wanted, since he threaded their fingers together, squeezing softly as she heard him start to cry.

"I told him that I couldn't take losing another person I loved. I thought he understood that. But you're still here, despite everything that John tried to do." Roxanna could feel his tears splash down on her face before he swiped them away, and she never wished more that she could comfort him. It didn't seem like that would be possible, since she felt tired once more. Slowly, she opened her eyes once more, looking up at him before blinking a few times. "You're tired again, aren't you?" Another set of blinks. "That's what I thought when you were already asleep when Sacha called me here yesterday. But you're here, and that's all that matters. Guy Self will have to believe us now."

Roxanna tried to smile, though it was an effort to do so, and from the look on Henrik's face, she succeeded somewhat. A puff of breath slipped from her lips as she closed her eyes, her hand growing slack in his as she was torn away from him once more. The last thing she felt was the gentle press of his lips against her forehead, and then she was unconscious once more.

Waking up the next time felt easier to her, and she was able to open her eyes handily, trying to move her eyes in such a way as to see who might be there. "Henrik?" Her voice sounded hoarse to her ears, as if it reflected all the screaming she had been doing while trapped in her own mind.

She heard the clamber of feet before he was bending over her, a wide smile on his lips. "You're really back, darling," he whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Guy thought that you might be waking up fully rather quickly, since you kept coming up for air, so to speak. You would know more than me, since brains are your specialty."

Roxanna felt her lips relax into a smile as she nodded, her hand heavily patting the space next to her on the bed, wanting him to sit next to her. "What happened?" she asked, her voice still croaky. He sank down next to her, picking up her hand and running his thumb back and forth over her knuckles as he took a few deep breaths.

"A lot," he finally replied, his thumb stilling a little as he looked away from her. "I don't know how you'll feel about this, but John is dead. We didn't know a few weeks ago that he had sabotaged your recovery, only that you were crashing, and we had to do something, anything, to stabilize you and keep you here with us. Doctor Chowdhury told us that she thought John had something to do with this, but we didn't believe her."

"Why would you? John was your best friend." It still hurt to talk, and Henrik let go of her hand to pour her a glass of water, helping her to sit up before holding the cup to her lips and gently helping her sip at it. Though she couldn't stand too much, it still was a delicious sensation as the liquid trickled down her trachea, soothing a bit of the ragged feeling.

"But I had my doubts about the trial, which is why I put you on it. And then, when you did try to tell me something was wrong, I ignored it, and listened to John when he tried to tell me you were going mad with grief. I will bitterly regret that I didn't believe you, Roxanna. And I don't know how you'll ever forgive me."

Henrik's eyes were incredibly sad, and Roxanna felt her heart crack a little as she slowly shook her head. "You're not at fault, we were both spiraling from our grief." She tightened her grip on his hand "I have this feeling, though, that we both know the pain of screaming now." She began to cry then, and through her tears, she saw him nod as he bent down and pressed his lips against her forehead in a small, intimate, kiss. "I love you," she whimpered.

"I love you, too. And I am so grateful that I get the chance to tell you that. I will tell you everything later, right now I just need you to focus on getting better." She nodded as she wrapped her free arm around him, holding him close as he started to cry with her, the quiet sobs of someone filled with a renewed hope for the future. "Guy will probably be here in twenty minutes. Do you want me to get you anything before that?"

"No. What I really want isn't quite possible yet, since this bed is rather small. Just, pull the chair close and hold my hand, tell me a story of Sweden. Tell me about all those years that we were apart, what you did, who you met. Just, fill the silence with the sound of your voice so that I don't feel alone any longer." He nodded before kissing her forehead once more, slipping off the bed and crossing over to the chair, bringing it over to her side and picking up her hand as he started to tell her a story, his voice washing over her in gentle waves as she closed her eyes and listened, so thankful to no longer be separated from him and those she loved.


End file.
